Who I Am

Intro: This is the first literary piece I’ve really put my heart into writing. I edited some parts of it.

I am human. I am filled with dreams and hopes, joys and sorrows. I am made in a being that sees, hears, and feels. The depth of my mind is imperceptible by simple-minded ones; even I don’t have a clue to what it can contain. I dream of dreams that none can believe. I speak of things, which some, remain a mystery to me. I am complex. The mystery of my being will always remain a puzzle. The name I have been called is the only thing relevant to what I call “self”. I am blind because of my arrogance. I am deaf because of my pride.. I can’t merely communicate the things I need to say. If I could, I would shout at every corner of the world; every people I see, I would tell the wonders and vision in my heart. But somehow that nagging fear is always present to hold me back. Now, I’m left here, also mute to speak what I am feeling which only the recesses of my inner being can hear. The strange echo in my mind to my ears only is it audible. The peculiar beating of my heart, only I, can feel it. I am caged by a past full of loneliness and bitterness. Every burdened shame and shed tear, it haunts me back. Every secret inside me has entrapped me with its unbearable fangs. Always sitting in that dark corner, waiting and hoping that someone would understand. With who I am, I am judged. I have always been mistaken for someone who will care less. It’s not of me being selfish, I’m just scared to understand even myself. People will only see what they want to see. The facts about me instilled in their minds are the only things they will believe to be me. But it will never be close enough to the truth of who I really am. I have always begged upon liberty to give freedom to my “being”, for all this time, it was imprisoned of its captors named “fear” and “turmoil”. Everything about me becomes irrational, because I am only equipped with a logical mind, but is there a necessity for all issues in life to be explicated. I’m putting the puzzle pieces together, but some things just don’t fit quite perfectly. For some strange reasons, I have been enlightened by hope to know my “self”. It has blessed me with determination to find out the real me in the presence of my Emancipator. Today, I vow not to be a coward who gives up on anything. I have been stricken with a desire to be strong and be bold to discover the wonder of my true identity and the sole purpose of my existence. I am not what I think of me. I am not what others think of me. I am the person whom my Savior has redeemed with His life. I am whom God sees in me.

Long time, no write…

If my blog was like a house, it would really look old, uninhabited, and spider webs would be found in every corner of its room. Well, this is the closest comparison I could ever come up with. My blog has been untouched for weeks. It almost felt like a decade had passed before I decided to put up a post again.

For this past few weeks, my mind has gone blank. Literally blank. I had many wonderful events to write about, I experienced a handful of good memories that it really excites me to post everything here on my blog. But somehow, the minute I touch the keyboard of my computer, everything I wanted to type just seems to fade into oblivion. It seems like every word I know, suddenly exits out of my ear. Now having this situation on my hands, I can’t come up with anything to write. Talk about having a writer’s block. Now the most logical explanation I can think about my dilemma is maybe my ‘inspiration juice’ had ran out.

Now let’s get to something important for me to write about, and for your sake, to read something with somehow a little sense enclosed with it.

How would I describe my life right at this very moment?

A roller coaster ride.

But the only difference is, I am experiencing more downs than with ups.
I’m not being pessimistic, but it’s how the way life is for me right now.

It doesn’t mean I’m out of luck, and for your information I don’t believe in luck at all. I just believe in God’s blessings. How should I say this? Everything around me is fine still, but what I feel is what I’m really concerned about. My emotion is at its lowest point. I can’t keep up with my mood swings. It feels like I’m in a boat in the middle of the sea with a storm coming up ahead. All the waves crashing on me, tossing the boat in all directions. That is what my emotions are doing to me, they are the waves in a storm. I’m not depressed at all. I’m just confused.

Having a life of mere routines everyday. Being busy juggling responsibilities thrown at me without having the satisfaction of accomplishing anything. I hope I could get out of this position real quick. I really don’t want to be here, who would?