Written on my cellphone’s screen.
I shut my eyes again and stayed still on the bed.
After a minute had passed, I opened my eyes slowly. Still lying in bed, I just stared at my phone and at the time. 1:57 pm. The day is finished almost halfway before the night comes again. I got up. It already tires me just to get up. Before going down, I looked through the space where I can see the living room from upstairs. I saw that the television was on. My father’s watching some news. I scrambled my way downstairs just to reach the bathroom. I closed the door quickly, trying as much as possible not to make any noise. I sat down the toilet. 5 minutes had passed, and I was just sitting there. Not moving at all. I was blankly staring at my nails. Nothing was on my mind, or on the other hand, I was refusing to think at all. Maybe if someone saw me, they would think I’m crazy. I have classes at school today, but last night I decided I would be absent again. For the past months, I was not attending school regularly, I constantly absented myself. I don’t care if this habit of mine would affect my grades. All I care about is myself and what I want. Some people may think I’m plain lazy, but it’s not true. I just wanted to stay home. Where I feel really safe. The outside world scares me. I’m not comfortable when I’m outside. Everyday, I dread that something bad would happen to me, that would hurt me and make me less and less happy. I may sound like a kid, a very immature person, but it’s true. I’m turning 18 next month, but I’m still scared of petty things. I was always unsure of what the day would hold for me so I always retreat to the place where I don’t feel any anxiety, my home.
As I am writing, I’ve realized.
I need CHANGE.
I can’t go on like this for the rest of my life. I should not ran away from problems and fears, but I should face them. Bad things always happen, but good things do too. But unless, I took the risk to take on the challenge ahead of me, then I would see the beauty the day has to offer me.
Change is a process. But change only starts when we decide for ourselves that we really want it, and are determined for it to happen. And I know who can bring real change in our lives.
The true Reformer of our ways.
If you surrender your all to Him, He’ll surely bring change in your life. He will form you in the best way and at the end of the process, you’ll see beauty in what He did. Like when a potter creates beautiful pots out of formless clays of mud. Change can be difficult and painful. It doesn’t assure us of comfort. But the Bible says, there is always a present Comforter for all of us, the Holy Spirit. Rest assured that beautiful, good, and great things is planned for us.